


The Best Present I Ever Got

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drowning, First Kiss, Fluff, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad, Snow, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28139835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Eddie, Buck, and Christopher take a vacation to a snowy cabin for Christmas. Everything is going great, especially for Eddie and Buck. Until an accident happens and Eddie realizes just how quickly things can change for the worse.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 73
Collections: 25 (More) Days Of Buddie





	The Best Present I Ever Got

**Author's Note:**

> When I picked this prompt it was with the intention of making it super soft. Which I did. But then an idea occurred to me and I just couldn't shake it, so then the ending happened. 
> 
> Written for day 19 of the Buddie Discord Advent. And also works for the Breaking A Promise square for Bad Things Happen Bingo.

The snow falls heavily around them, and Eddie smiles, watching the way Christopher spins in slow circles with his head back and hands out. He’s laughing as he tries to catch the snow on his tongue. It’s the first time he’s ever seen snow like this, at least anything more than a flurry, and he’s ecstatic. Eddie knows it was worth to take the week off and come up here. He’d been hesitant at first when Buck had suggested it, wondering if they could afford for Eddie to take the time off, but they’d made it work in the end. It’s what vacation time is for, after all. And they all certainly need it after everything life has thrown at them the last few years. 

“You know, you could actually help me with these bags,” Buck calls from the truck. “Or do your arms suddenly not work?”

There’s a teasing note in his voice that has Eddie grinning as he turns back towards him. “I think you’d be more than strong enough to handle it.”

“With all the presents we packed for Christopher?” Buck questions. “I don’t think even _I’m_ strong enough for that.”

“It’s not that much,” Eddie argues.

“Eddie, we literally had to put them all in a sack,” Buck says.

“Well, at least it feels more Christmassy that way,” Eddie says.

“Uh-huh.”

“Besides, we should leave them in the truck until Christopher isn’t around anyway,” Eddie says.

“Good point,” Buck says. “Can’t have him getting suspicious.”

“You know how hard it was to hide that sack of presents in the back seat with him,” Eddie laughs. “He kept asking me what the bumpy thing on the floor was.”

“What did you tell him?” Buck asks.

“An air mattress.”

“What would you need an air mattress floor? This place has four rooms, and I’m pretty sure they all have beds.”

“That’s the first thing I thought of,” Eddie says. 

“And he believed you?” Buck questions.

“Unsure,” Eddie says. “I think at the time he was too tired to care.”

He looks over to where Christopher is standing at the top of a hill and frowns, “Buddy? What are you doing?”

“There’s a lake down there, Dad,” Christopher calls back.

Eddie walks over to where he’s standing, Buck following close behind. Sure enough, at the bottom of the hill, there’s a frozen lake. “So there is.” He kneels down in front of Christopher and rests a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t want you going anywhere near that, okay, buddy? If you want to come out here, you don’t do it by yourself. You get me or Buck. Okay?”

Christopher nods, “Okay, Dad.”

“Good,” Eddie smiles and gets back to his feet. “Now come. Let’s get our things inside and get warmed up.”

“Can we have hot chocolate?” Christopher asks.

“Of course we can,” Buck says. “I packed the kind with marshmallows just for you.”

“Really?” Christopher asks, almost bouncing in excitement.

“Of course, and then the plain, boring kind for your dad,” Buck says.

“Because he doesn’t like marshmallows,” Christopher says.

“I could have just not put them in,” Eddie says. “You didn’t have to get a whole different box.”

“We are not wasting a package of marshmallow hot chocolate on someone who can’t appreciate it fully,” Buck says.

Christopher giggles, “Yeah, Dad.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and ruffles Christopher’s hair, “Just get up to the cabin while Buck and I get the bags. The door’s unlocked.”

Eddie and Buck grab the bags and then head towards the cabin. Eddie’s eyes drift back towards the lake, an uneasy feeling swooping through him that he can’t explain. It’s just a lake. And besides the weird feeling, it’s a beautiful sight. Athena had been right to suggest this place for them to visit. 

“Dad!” Christopher calls from the living room. “Dad! There’s a tree!”

“A tree?” Eddie questions. Sure enough, when he steps into the room, it’s to see a tree in the corner, already decorated, covered in lights and ornaments. “Huh, so there is.” He looks to Buck, who doesn’t look the least bit surprised. “Did you know about this?”

Buck shrugs, “I might have paid someone to come set this up.”

“Buck…”

“I know how much you weren’t looking forward to going and hunting down a tree,” Buck says. “Which you would have done because Christopher wanted one. So…”

“You didn’t have to do this,” Eddie says.

“Of course I did,” Buck says. “It’s no big deal.”

“It is,” Eddie says, surprising both himself and Buck when he leans up and kisses Buck’s cheek. “You’ve made his day, you know?”

There’s a slight pink tinge to Buck’s cheek as he smiles, “I just want you both to be happy.”

“You kidding? That kid is thrilled.”

“And you?”

“I’m pretty happy too,” Eddie says.

“Only pretty happy?” Buck teases.

“Well, the day is still young,” Eddie says. “I’d say we can still work our way up.”

“I’m taking that as a challenge,” Buck says.

“It’s really not.”

“Oh, it is,” Buck says. “We’re gonna make this the happiest Christmas you’ve ever had,” Buck tells him. “Just you wait.”

* * *

He’s not wrong. The next few days are filled with smiles and laughter. They spend some time in the village near where they’re staying, walking the streets that are all decked out for Christmas. Christopher loves it. 

They stop for carolers outside a cafe on Christmas Eve. Christopher has made his way to the front with the other kids, while Eddie and Buck hang back but still have him in view. Eddie hears a quiet baritone next to him and looks over to see Buck singing along with the carolers. He’s not sure if Buck realizes he’s even doing it. 

It’s all too easy for Eddie to reach over and slip his hand into Buck’s, who doesn’t stop singing as he looks down at Eddie with a smile and laces their fingers together. Eddie returns the smile, before looking away, back towards where Christopher is standing. He leans his head on Buck’s arm and feels something inside him start to settle.

Things don’t change significantly after that. They don’t hands, even after Christopher joins them and they head into the cafe to grab some hot chocolate and lunch. At least not until they have to slide into the booth when they’re seated. Even then, Buck is quick to take his hand under the table. It makes looking at the menu a little more difficult, but Eddie doesn’t mind. Now that he knows what it’s like to hold Buck’s hand like this, he doesn’t ever want to let go.

Later that night, after Christopher has gone to bed, Buck and Eddie drag out the bag of presents and stack them beneath the tree. It’s not a lot. Not near as much as the bag made it seem. Some of them are just bigger than others. 

Once they’re done, they settle onto the couch, pressed close together as they look out the window as the snow continues to fall.

“I’m happy you suggested this,” Eddie says. “I think this is exactly what we needed.”

“I know,” Buck says. “And I know you would never have thought of it yourself.”

“No?”

“Nope. But that’s why you have me,” Buck says. “To remind you it’s okay to relax and take a vacation. Especially one that’s long overdue.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Eddie says.

“Well, lucky for you, I’m planning on sticking around for a long time,” Buck says. “So you’ll never have to find out.” he seems to hesitate for a moment, his face pinching in an uncertainty Eddie doesn’t like. “I mean, as long as you want me around.”

“I’ll always want you here, Buck,” Eddie assures him. There’s a vulnerability in Buck’s eyes as he smiles at him. One that normally would terrify Eddie. But he’s tired of being afraid. He’s been afraid for so long. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t get you a better present.”

“It’s okay. You’re the best present I ever got,” Buck says, smiling over at him. 

Eddie can’t help but return the smile as he leans over and kisses Buck softly. “Me too.”

When Eddie pulls back, Buck is looking at him with wide, hopeful eyes. “Really?”

“Really.”

Buck laughs, and the next thing Eddie knows, he’s being tackled back onto the couch as Buck pressed frenzied kisses across his face. “Oh, thank god,” Buck mutters. “It’s about time.”

It really is. Eddie takes Buck’s face in his hands and leans up to kiss him, slow and lingering. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Buck murmurs.

Eventually, they make their way down the hall to Eddie’s room, careful to be quiet. Both of them aware of Christopher sleeping a few rooms down but unable to keep their hands and lips to themselves. As they settle back onto the mattress, limbs entwined, Eddie can’t help but think of how right this all feels, and how lucky he is to be here with Buck. 

* * *

Eddie wakes the next morning to Christopher jumping on the bed, “Dad! Buck! Wake up! Santa came!”

“Oh, did he?” Eddie questions.

“He did!” Christopher says. “There are presents, and the cookies are gone.”

Eddie knows full well the cookies are gone. Buck and Eddie had made a point of eating them last night before putting the presents out. 

“Well, not even Santa can resist Buck’s cookies,” Eddie tells him.

Buck presses his smile into Eddie’s neck, “Apparently not.”

“Are you getting up or not?” Christopher asks, bouncing on the bed.

“We’ll be there in a few minutes,” Eddie tells him. “Go pick out the one you want to open first, okay?”

“Okay, Dad!”

Christopher leaves them, closing the door behind him. Eddie listens to the sound of footsteps clattering down the hall before turning to Buck. He’s smiling up at him, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“I think Santa enjoyed a whole lot more than my cookies last night,” Buck teases, running a hand up Eddie’s chest.

“Behave,” Eddie says, attempting to be firm, but it’s hard with the kisses Buck’s now placing across his neck. Eddie sighs and tips his head back, feeling the way Buck smirks against his skin.

“You didn’t want me to behave last night.”

“Christopher is waiting for us,” Eddie reminds him.

“I can be quick,” Buck murmurs. He slides down Eddie’s body, kissing a path down his chest. And god, Eddie would love to let him continue but…

“If we don’t go in there soon, Christopher is going to go back here,” Eddie tells him. “And no one will be enjoying themselves then.

Buck pouts up at him, “Okay, but tonight, you’re all mine.”

Eddie pulls Buck up for a kiss, one that shows him just how on board with the idea he is. “I look forward to it.”

“Dad! Buck! Come on!”

Eddie chuckles, “I told you.”

“Later then.” Buck presses a quick kiss to Eddie’s lips before sliding out of bed. Eddie groans when he’s met with the sight of Buck standing naked in the middle of the room. Buck throws a wink over his shoulder. “Now now, Eddie. Christopher has presents to open. If you’re good, you’ll get yours later.”

“Do I get to unwrap it myself?” Eddie asks, sliding his arms around Buck’s waist.

Buck laughs and dances out of his arms, “We’ll see.”

They do eventually make it out of the room, but only after Christopher calls for them one more time. They walk into the room hand in hand, and Christopher frowns at them. “What took you so long?”

“I’m afraid your Buck didn’t,” Eddie tells him. “You know how he feels about mornings.”

Christopher nods, “Buck hates mornings.”

“I don’t know,” Buck says, smiling down at Eddie. “I think I’m starting to appreciate them more.”

Eddie has to agree. He’s never minded mornings before, but he’s certainly gaining a whole new appreciation for them now. 

Eddie sits on the couch with Buck as Christopher opens his presents, seeming just as thrilled with each one he opens. Though he’s most excited by the giant firetruck Buck got him. “I figured you’d want a bigger one to go with your other one.”

Christopher nods excitedly, “This is awesome!”

“Before he knows it, he’s going to have a whole firehouse,” Eddie says.

“Don’t tempt me,” Buck says.

Eddie knows better not to. Knowing Buck, he’d probably build him on himself. He leans over and kisses the side of Buck’s head, letting his lips linger there. “You spoil him.”

“It’s just a firetruck,” Buck says. He looks down at Eddie, a crease between his brows. “Does it bother you when I buy him stuff because I can…”

Eddie silences that thought with a kiss, “I love that you care about him, Buck. If I had a problem with it, you would know.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive,” Eddie says. “But that doesn’t mean you can start buying him the whole store.”

“Of course not,” Buck says. “Even I have limits.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I do,” Buck says. He lowers his voice and drags his nose across Eddie’s jaw. “Clearly, if I was able to let you walk out of the bedroom this morning without having my way with you.”

“Only because you know you can later,” Eddie teases.

Buck shrugs, “It’s still restraint.”

Eddie will give him that. 

Once presents are done, Buck goes into the kitchen and starts in on breakfast. Eddie offers to help, but Buck shoos him away, much to Christopher’s delight.

“You guys are silly,” Christopher tells him.

“Is that right?” Eddie asks, taking a seat next to him on the floor.

Christopher nods, “Yeah.” He’s silent for a while as he plays for his truck, and Eddie thinks that’s that. Nothing else to discuss. Then Christopher speaks again. “You and Buck are kissing now?”

“What?”

“You and Buck are kissing now,” Christopher repeats.

Eddie should have known this conversation was coming. It’s not like he and Buck were hiding anything. “We are,” Eddie says. “Does that bother you?”

Christopher shakes his head, “No. Aunt Maddie said you should have kissed a long time ago.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah,” Christopher says. He stops moving his truck and looks up at Eddie. “It’s because you love each other, right?”

“It is,” Eddie says. He scoops Christopher up into his arms and tickles him, causing Christopher to laugh. “When did you get so smart?”

“First grade,” Christopher says.

“Huh, I must not have paid attention in first grade if that’s what they’ve been teaching you,” Eddie says.

“Guess not.”

“Breakfast is done!” Buck calls from the kitchen.

“Food!” Christopher says, scrambling off Eddie’s lap.

Eddie sighs, “Abandoned for some eggs.”

“And waffles,” Christopher says. “Come on, Dad.”

Eddie chuckles as he gets to his feet and walks at a slower pace into the kitchen. Christopher is already at the table, a plate of food in front of him. Eddie takes the seat between him and Buck and smiles softly when Buck hands him a plate. 

“Smells good,” Eddie tells him.

“Well, eggs are my specialty,” Buck says.

“I thought spaghetti was,” Eddie says.

“I have a lot of specialties,” Buck winks.

Eddie clears his throat and looks away, focusing on the food in front of him. Buck chuckles and kisses his cheek. “Embarrassed, Eddie?”

“Just hungry,” Eddie says. “Don’t want this delicious food to get cold.”

“Uh-huh.”

“It is good,” Christopher says, between mouthfuls.

Buck grins, “Thank you, Christopher.”

“Welcome.” 

It would be polite, if Christopher hadn’t just taken a bite of eggs. Eddie laughs and hands him his glass of juice. “Chew and swallow, buddy.”

“I’ll show you swallow,” Buck mutters.

“Behave,” Eddie warns, even as his stomach swoops at the thought.

“Can we go outside after breakfast?” Christopher asks.

Eddie looks out the window to the gray sky. It’s not snowing right now, but it looks cold. He’s not exactly looking forward to going out into that. “I don’t know…”

“I can take him,” Buck offers. “If you do the dishes.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” Eddie says.

“Maybe I’ll show you just how appreciative I am later,” Buck says.

Eddie pretends to think about it before smiling over at him. “Deal.”

They finish their breakfast, and Eddie gathers the dishes to put them in the sink. He joins Buck and Christopher by the door and helps Christopher get all bundled up. He grabs a hat from the rack and puts it on Buck’s head, and then leans up and kisses him softly. 

“Don’t stay out too long,” Eddie tells him. “It’s cold out there.”

“You can just warm me up when I get back inside,” Buck tells him.

“With hot chocolate!” Christopher says.

“Sure, buddy,” Eddie says. “With hot chocolate.”

“And some cuddles?” Buck asks, gaze hopeful.

“I can do that,” Eddie says, kissing him again. “You two have fun.”

Eddie smiles to himself as the pair step out onto the porch, Christopher chattering happily about building a snowman. He thinks about joining them as he washes the dishes, but then hears the wind howl against the cabin and decides against it. They should be coming in soon enough anyway.

So he settles down on the couch under one of the thick blankets with the book he brought, and before he knows it, his eyes are slipping closed.

A panicked cry has Eddie jolting awake, immediately on the alert. It came from outside. Outside. Buck and Christopher were outside. How long had it been? Concerned, Eddie throws on his shoes, not even stopping to grab his coat, before running outside. He looks around, trying to locate where the sound came from, and his heart seizes when he sees Christopher on the edge of the lake. The lake he was told not to go anywhere near.

“Christopher!” he calls out, stumbling down the snowy hill towards him. “Christopher!”

“Daddy! Christopher cries. “Daddy! Help!”

Eddie falls to his knees next to him, taking in Christopher’s wet clothes and hair. “What happened?”

“I was walking, and I slipped and fell down the hill and onto the lake,” Christopher says. “Buck was helping me when the ice cracked, and I went under. Buck came down and got me.” 

Eddie goes cold at the image of his son falling into the icy depths. But then he realizes something. Something is missing. Or more like someone. “Buddy, where’s Buck?”

“He didn’t come back up,” Christopher says. “That’s why you have to help him, Daddy!”

“Buck’s still in there?” Eddie asks, looking from Christopher to the lake. It’s still mostly frozen, but he can see the clear spot where Christopher fell in. 

Christopher nods, “He didn’t come back up.”

Eddie doesn’t think before jumping to his feet. He turns to Christopher. “You stay here, okay? I’m going to look for Buck.”

“You have to find him, Dad,” Christopher says.

Eddie doesn’t want to think about how much time has passed. About how long Buck has already been down there. He can’t. But as much as he wants to, he also can’t promise Christopher something like that. “Just stay here.” he hands Christopher his phone. “And call 9-1-1, okay? Tell them what you told me. Can you do that?”

Christopher nods, “Yeah, Dad.”

Eddie turns back to the lake. He takes a deep breath and then dives into the frozen water without another thought. Buck is in here somewhere, and Eddie is going to find him. 

Eddie's eyes sting against the icy water as he swims, scanning the dark depths for any sign of Buck. At first, there's nothing, and Eddie has to fight down the panic building in him. His lungs are already starting to burn, and it won't be long until he has to go back up for air. 

God, if he’s already feeling like this after only a minute and Buck’s been down here longer…

Eddie pushes the thought away. He can’t think of that. He just needs to focus on finding Buck. It just might take a few trips.

He's about to turn around when he sees something in the distance. His heart races when he realizes it's a body floating in the water. 

Buck.

His mouth opens, crying out Buck's name, but despite the word bubbling out around him, no sound escapes him. 

He pushes himself harder, swimming as fast as he can to reach Buck. His heart aches when he gets to him and sees Buck's face pressed to the ice above them, one hand alongside it. 

He's not moving. 

Eddie reaches for him, but Buck doesn't budge. He's frozen to the ice. 

_No no_ , he thinks as his lungs burn, begging for air. _No Buck. Come on._

If it were just him, he'd stay down here, doing everything he could to free Buck. But he hears Christopher's voice crying his name. And Eddie can't… He can’t breathe. His head is starting to swim, and his lungs burn so much.

He screams and bangs a first against the ice above him. It seems futile. He's wasting his energy and the little oxygen he has left. He should get back to Christopher. 

But then the ice cracks. Eddie hits it again and again until it gives way, and he can push his way up. He takes a gasping breath when his head makes it to the surface. He takes a few lungfuls of air, and then he goes back under. He presses his lips to Buck’s, trying to breathe some more life into him. Because he’s still alive, he has to be. This is Buck. Strong, amazing, fierce Buck. He’s a fighter. And he’s survived so much worse than this. 

Eddie works on freeing Buck’s hand from the ice as he breathes into him. He’s not sure how long it takes before his hand finally gives way, and Buck is slipping free. Eddie pulls him towards the opening he made and uses all his strength to push him up onto the ice before crawling up after him. There’s no time to make it back to the shore. He has to do this now.

Eddie’s heart clenches when he takes Buck in. His skin is pale and tinted blue in places. His lips are almost purple. And he’s still. So still. Eddie’s never seen him this still. He crawls towards him and starts CPR. He knows it’s a risk out here on the ice. If he presses too hard, it could send it all crashing beneath them, but Eddie has to try. 

“Dad!” Christopher calls. “Dad!”

“I have him,” Eddie calls back as he continues to pump his hands against Buck’s chest. Softer, he says. “Come on, Buck. Come on. Breathe.”

“Eddie!”

Eddie doesn’t stop his movements, even as he turns to see unfamiliar figures on the shore. Paramedics, he realizes. “Eddie? Do you think you can get back over here?”

“I can try,” Eddie says. He doesn’t like the idea of stopping, though. “But I don't want to stop. I need to.”

“We need you to get both you and your friend over here,” the paramedic says. “Then we can check you both out. Can you do that?”

Eddie nods, then realizing they probably can’t see him, calls back. “Yeah. I’ll try.”

He keeps one hand pumping at Buck’s chest, even as he slides them across the ice. It’s slow-moving, too slow. But he’s aware of how fragile it is. When he’s close to the shore, hands reach out and grab him, pulling him onto the bank. He struggles against them as they wrap him in a blanket, and tries to get back to Buck.

“Buck?”

The two paramedics that are leaning over Buck look their way, faces grim. Eddie knows that look. He’s seen it before too many times. But it can’t be. “No,” he whispers, even as one of the paramedics shakes their head and gives a quiet, “I’m sorry.” 

“No,” he says louder. He pushes his way towards Buck, falling to his knees beside him. “Buck, come on.” He starts pumping on his chest again, harder this time, almost demanding Buck’s heart to beat. “Evan, please.”

“Eddie,” one of the men says. “I’m sorry, but he’s gone.”

Eddie shakes his head again, tears spilling from his eyes. “ _No_.”

“One of our paramedics brought your son back up to the cabin to check him out,” the man continues. “But he looked fine. Just a little cold. Seems your...Buck saved his life.”

“He’s my boyfriend,” Eddie whispers. He realizes it’s the first time he’s said the word out loud. And it’s to some stranger who’s telling Eddie Buck is gone. That he’s never going to see Buck’s blue eyes looking at him, never going to see his smile, or hear his laughter, or kiss his lips. 

“I really am sorry,” the man says, resting a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. 

“Can I have a moment?” Eddie asks, voice hollow.

“Sure,” he says. “Take the time you need.”

Eddie barely pays him any mind as he walks away. All he can focus on is Buck. His eyes are closed, and his lips slightly parted. If it weren’t for his blue and purple skin, Eddie would think he almost looks peaceful. But Eddie knows his last moments had to be anything but. He had to be so afraid, trapped down there alone, unable to find a way back out. 

Eddie lays down on the snowy bank next to him, wrapping his arms around Buck’s middle as he rests his head on his chest. For a moment, it’s easy to imagine Buck’s strong arms wrapping around him and holding him close. Imagine the way his lips feel pressing against his forehead. 

They had so few moments together like that. Buck had promised him forever, and Eddie had selfishly believed they’d have more time. That he’d get to spend the rest of his life waking up in Buck’s arms and seeing his bright smile first thing in the morning. Eddie leans up and presses a kiss to Buck’s cold, blue lips, feeling his heart shatter in his chest. There’s no warmth there, not anymore.

“I love you, Evan Buckley.”

All he’s met with his silence.

* * *

**1 Year Later**

Eddie looks down at the hard, packed earth at his feet and can’t stop the tears from falling. He’s tried his damn best to be strong this past year. Mostly for Christopher. He lost Buck. It wouldn’t be fair for him to lose his dad to his grief. It took a few hard reminders from the team, and even Maddie that he had a lot to keep going for. That last one had been the real push he needed. Slowly Eddie has pulled himself together and provided for Christopher. Just like he always has. But the days have felt emptier. There’s a presence missing. One that can never be replaced. 

It’s how Eddie finds himself here, on Christmas day, with the sun shining down on him. So different than Christmas last year. The only cold Eddie feels today is deep inside his bones. Looking down at the concrete headstone, Eddie almost swears he can feel the icy waters stabbing at his skin and piercing all the way down to his heart.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie whispers. “I’m sorry I wasn’t enough to save you.”

Eddie knows what Buck would scoff at him for that. He’d done everything he could to save him. It still doesn’t change the fact that it hadn’t been enough and Buck had died. 

“Christopher’s doing well,” Eddie says. “He won the school science fair and everything. I know umm… I know you would have been proud of him. I told him that.” Eddie has to close his eyes against the sting of tears. “He misses you. I do too. I miss you every damn day.”

A breeze blows across the cemetery, and Eddie smiles. 

“You know, I’ve always thought of the breeze as being a way for people we lost to remind us they love us,” Buck had told him a long time ago.

Eddie clings to that thought now. Imagining Buck smiling down at him wherever he is. Telling him he’s not alone. That he loves him.

“Merry Christmas, Buck,” Eddie says, rubbing his fingers across the tombstone. “You really were the best present I ever got.”

Another breeze blows as Eddie walks away, and he imagines it’s Buck’s arms wrapping around him in both a hello and goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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